“I had a dream my life would be...
so different now from what it seemed
now life has killed the dream I dreamed”
--I Dreamed a Dream, Les Miserables
I've listened to this song more times than I could possibly count. It's one of the songs I seek in my car when I’m in the mood for my own personal karaoke. And yet, yesterday as I listened, I found this stanza to ring true to this stage of life I find myself in.
A few weeks ago I turned 24 and it was by far my favorite birthday! I had so much fun getting to hang out with friends and the weather was beyond perfect. By the end of the night I was almost in tears as I recapped on the things the Lord has done in my life and how He has been continuously gracious to me.
Now the fun-fetti has settled and I’m in full blown 24 mode. And I as look at my life I've realized that never, in a million years would have thought that my life would look like this. By this time I expected to have a full time job (and all the perks that come with it), I thought I’d be living a relatively carefree life, never worrying about things like budgets and whether or not I want to work in the media field.
But I'm not, I have two part-time jobs, I'm constantly going back and forth as to what I want to do with my life, and it's a rare day that my budget doesn't cross my mind. Theodore Roosevelt said, "comparison is the thief of joy." And it's true! The only time I'm find myself discontent with my life is when I'm comparing myself to those around me.
This person has a better car, makes more money, has their dream job, is married... the list goes on and on! But the problem with comparing my life with that of those around me, is I'm not them. I'll probably never be a doctor, I may never buy a brand new car and I may never get married -- and that's okay.
I mentioned in another post that I'm reading One Thousand Gifts, and the author is talking about seeing the goodness of God even in the rough places. I have found this to be my struggle -- to look at all a want, all I feel like I'm lacking and to still trust God. I struggle to believe that God loves me if he doesn't provide my every want in an instant. To this the author says,
"But the secret to joy is to keep seeking God where we doubt He is."
In other words, I've been driving the struggle bus refusing to get off. I fail to seek God and His goodness in all things. I fail to trust Him and to believe that His plan is always better. I fail to believe that success is not measured by my bank account or the year of my car. I fail to seek God in all areas of my life because it's hard and it take time to sit and process what is emotion and what is truth.
My success will come in glorifying God with my life. This is the success that will surpass time -- that will extend all the way into eternity. Jesus said, "I have glorified You on earth, having accomplished the work which You have given me to do." - John 17: 4.
Yes, my life is different from what I thought it would be, but I'm choosing to believe that it is also better than what I thought it would be.
twenty-something, daughter, sister, friend, follower of Christ, lover of all things media. welcome to the journey girl trying to find her place